rooted. thank god root wasnt as much of a pita as user.
for the folks working on user - this link helped me troubleshoot. https://www.netgate.com/docs/pfsense/vpn/ipsec/ipsec-troubleshooting.html
So knowing your error and what it might mean, read through the config man page relevant section AND TRY EVERYTHING YOU SEE. It’s a bit of a PITA as you’re just guessing but there isn’t much to try.